Monday night is date night?

The Monday night date.  I’ve done it a couple of times and once, once it was amazing.  But this time it wasn’t so great.

Clearly I wasn’t super excited about it as I rocked up wearing toms (canvas shoes) and my hair was wet.

But I went to a bit of an effort, there was eyeliner involved so for me that’s a lot!

I’m not the kind of girl that gets really dressed up on a date.  I never wear a dress on a first date, although I once bought a dress to go on a date with a boy but didn’t end up wearing it.

So back to my Monday night date.

We weren’t meeting until 9.30 and on a Monday night that feels late for me, all my other girlfriends are in their PJs at 9.30 on a Monday night and I was having to haul ass to a bar to meet a stranger.

I sat down and waited for him, the barman came over and was he ever cute!  I kind of wished that my date wouldn’t turn up and I could just chat with the barman for the rest of the night.

It turns out the bar was closing at 10pm so clearly this was going to be a speed date.

As he walked in the door I knew straight away ... He had lied!  His photos weren’t what he really looked like and I was annoyed.  I’m not mean, I’m just aware that we all have to be physically attracted to the person we’re meeting.

I’m well aware that I’m not the size 0 blonde, big boobed girl and I know that given the chance most boys will choose my hot, super slim friend Amy over me.  I get it.  I accept it. I know where I am on the scale of physical attractiveness.

What a waste of eyeliner - that’s all I kept thinking all night.

He was fun, we laughed, he wanted to talk about dating stories and we all know I’ve got a few rippers to bring to the table and jeepers he had some crazy chick stories.

He offered to drive me home and he opened the car door for me (these are the things that chicks love but somehow it just made me feel awkward).  When he got to my place (not that I let him know where I live, because I’m sensible) he jumped out of the car to open my door again and I insisted that I can actually open the door myself.  It was that awful moment where he went in for a kiss and I just turned my head and let him kiss my cheek.

Oh man, tomorrow is going to be awkward.

A waste, such a waste of eyeliner!

Last week :-( This week :-)

What a week!

This past week has been pretty crummy.

But there were some definite highlights.  So as I try & convince myself that this coming week will kick last week's ass, here are some pics.

Monday night at the beach drinking beer with Anja ...

Walking the Avenues near my house & I followed these two for a couple of blocks.

I attended the Vancouver ANZAC day ceremony.  Aussies & New Zealanders joined together in a service to commemorate our soldiers in combat and those that have been taken from us.  I have to admit I get a bit weepy during these events and as we solemnly sang all three anthems (Australia, NZ & Canada) I felt really proud and incredibly sad.

The reason we observe the 25th of April is because that’s the day our troops landed in Gallipoli in WWI.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landing_at_Anzac_Cove

My first Whitecaps soccer game.  I didn’t have high expectations but I guess I kinda sorta liked it.  I like the yelling and the booing and the excitement that everyone gets when someone almost gets a goal.  I also like mini donuts and they had them there.  I did however manage not to scoff any and just enjoyed the scent of cinnamonny sugar in the air.

Ok so I didn’t want to be that person that posts photos of food but these burgers were amazing!  And the onion rings ... OH ONION RINGS!  Clearly onion rings excite me and I don’t think that’s a bad thing necessarily.

AND ... I got accepted into my documentary course.

In September I will be broke and incredibly happy.  I can't wait!

Here's how the conversation with my Dad went:

Shannan - "Dad, I got into the course".

Dad - "How much is this going to cost me?"

Yeah, thanks Dad!

Here's hoping that this week is fantastic.

xo

So I'm Standing in the Shower ....

Do you ever get a sick feeling when you realise something bad about yourself?

It happened to me in the shower the other night.  I was thinking about a boy (calm down, nothing dirty).  A boy I had recently told to leave me alone.

Somehow I tend to do some of my best thinking in the shower.  I don’t know if it’s because it’s quiet or if it’s the soothing sensation of the water.  I think maybe it’s the water.  When I was younger I would lie in my parents pool for hours just floating around and thinking of whimsical things.  Then I would bust out a few dirty limericks and wait for my Mom to come and yell that she could hear me!

Anyway I’m getting off track.

So, I was thinking about this boy and about me and then my mind drifted back to in my 20s when I had my first relationship.

I’ll call him John.  He was lovely.  Funny, kind of dorky but really cool, and smart and a fun person.  We worked together and somehow everyone knew he liked me except for me.  I just thought we were buddies.  It wasn’t until one night that we all went out, I got really drunk, realised he liked me and then I snogged him or he snogged me … anyway, there was snogging and I was drunk.

I thought that he was the man I was going to marry.  And even as I write this I’m so embarrassed that I’m cringing and making embarrassing whimpering noises.  I thought that God had sent me this amazing man and I was so excited.

We talked about living together and engagement rings and adopting babies.  We would talk for hours and hours and hours.  And then it was all over.

But the kick in the pants, the real stinger was when he told our mutual friends that we weren’t actually in a relationship we were just friends!

I saw RED!  Within a matter of days I was on a plane to New Zealand, because when I’m scared and hurt I run away (it’s my MO).

Flash forward 6 years to me standing in the shower.  I felt like I had been punched in the throat.  Was I now purposefully sabotaging potential relationships because I was scared they might end in the same way as Johns?  Ummm yes!

Somehow it seems easier to push someone away and protect myself but I guess you miss out on the good stuff sometimes.  It kind of sucks but what do you do?

On a side note.  No, not a side note, it’s a very important note.  Today is  ANZAC day (it was yesterday in Oz), an Australian national day of remembrance for all our Diggers who served and died.  I found this poem and think it’s lovely.

ANZAC Day

by D. Hunter.  (A Veteran of Shaggy Ridge with the 2/12 Battalion in WW2)

I saw a kid marchin’ with medals on his chest.

He marched alongside Diggers marching six abreast.

He knew that it was ANZAC Day - he walked along with pride.

He did his best to keep in step with the Diggers by his side.

And when the march was over the kid was rather tired.

A Digger said “Whose medals, son?” to which the kid replied:

“They belong to daddy, but he did not come back.

He died up in New Guinea on a lonely jungle track”.

The kid looked rather sad then and a tear came to his eye.

The Digger said “Don’t cry my son and I will tell you why.

Your daddy marched with us today - all the blooming way.

We Diggers know that he was there - it’s like that on ANZAC Day”.

The kid looked rather puzzled and didn’t understand,

But the Digger went on talking and started to wave his hand.

“For this great land we live in, there’s a price we have to pay

For we all love fun and merriment in this country where we live.

The price was that some soldier his precious life must give.

For you to go to school my lad and worship God at will,

Someone had to pay the price so the Diggers paid the bill.

Your daddy died for us my son - for all things good and true.

I wonder if you understand the things I’ve said to you”.

The kid looked up at the Digger - just for a little while

And with a changed expression, said, with a lovely smile:

“I know my dad marched here today - this is ANZAC Day.

I know he did. I know he did, all the bloomin’ way”.

My friend Anja AKA Every time I wear a thong I think of you

I met Anja on the 1st of October 2011.  We had both just moved into the same share house.  We lived in a huge house with 8 other girls ... That’s right there were 10 girls living in one house!

There’s a number of years difference between us but neither of us seem to notice this so much any more.  Yes we’re at different stages in our lives but considering I’m hoping to go back to school soon then everything will change again.  And Anja has been a big supporter of me being creative and writing and pursuing film making.

Anja has been through a lot recently.  A few years ago she was diagnosed with cancer and her life changed.  Instead of thinking about school and boys and friends she was thinking about Doctors visits and pain and depression and death.  When we were living together in the big house (as I like to call it) she understandably struggled with a lot of things and I think we bonded over our hatred of cancer.

She’s now in remission and changing her life again.  She’s getting that cute little glow about her that sort of went away for a while.  She’s about to finish school and start something new.

Tonight I was desperate to see her.

Someone recently came back into my life who I thought I had said goodbye to.  I found myself having to say goodbye for a second time and for some reason became incredibly emotional about it.

I couldn’t go straight home after work and thankfully she was free to meet me.

We met in The Bay to drink free espresso from the nespresso store.  She had been drinking booze since midday and looked stunning!  I had been crying and had no makeup on.

We both had boy stories to share, both of them a little bit sad and made us a bit teary, but in between the free espresso and the sad stories we laughed.  And we don’t laugh delicately, we laugh big gut shaking laughs.  We laughed until I had to put my head on the counter because it was too much.

After trying on lipsticks (Anja was trying to look like a Victorias Secret model) and searching for the perfect shoe (which of course I couldn’t find) we shared fries and talked about our futures.

Until someone farted in the restaurant and we both got the giggles and tried to figure out where the dreadful smell had come from.

That’s what it’s like with Anja ... Serious talk and then BOOM we’re talking about farts or pooh.  I’d like to be able to blame her but I’m pretty sure a lot of the fart talking comes from me.

Then somehow I’m telling her the story about how I pee’d myself in year 8 and she’s practically choking on a fry because 13 is way too old to be wetting myself ... It’s not my fault I couldn’t use the washrooms at school!  Anyway it’s a true story and I own it.

All my embarrassing stories are somehow awesome when I’m telling them to Anja. 

And the reason why I think of her when I’m wearing thong underwear is because one day she took a great interest in my bottom.  She loudly proclaimed in the middle of Ikea that my ass would look better if I wore a thong.  I tend to disagree with her but ever since then .... Whenever I wear one I think of her.

It’s not weird it’s just friendship.

You're not boring but I don't want to marry you

Mr A:
"You're not boring but I don't want to marry you”.
“But we can still go out".

Shannan:

"No. No we can't".

And that was it.

There are positive things about not being in a relationship with Mr A.
To make myself feel better I decided to compile a list!

Now that I’m not with Mr A I don’t have to …..:

·       Join a gym and get skinny (yes these were actual words out of his mouth)

·       Buy a tv – because apparently watching movies on my laptop was offensive

·       Clean my bedroom

·       Shave my legs

·       Keep my eyebrows plucked

·       Stop being so kind to people (apparently I’m too kind)

I guess I’m just planning on getting fat and hairy and being really really nice to everyone … that’s ok right?

Seriously, I guess I knew that this relationship wasn’t going to go anywhere but I admit it was so nice if only for the shortest time that someone wanted me and pursued me and only me. That he didn’t want to date me and also 3 other women.

Maybe I’m done with dating again.  I said that in early January and a couple of months later I was back at it but maybe this is it …. but don’t quote me on that.

Anyway, I’m hoping I won’t have time for dating soon. I have applied to go to school in September and fingers crossed I’ll have an interview and be accepted into the program very soon.

If it all goes my way I’ll be unemployed and a full time student studying documentary making.

Yes people this is BIG NEWS! I expect rapturous applause and numerous kudos coming my way (well if I get accepted that is).

Until then I shall surround myself with gorgeous girlfriends and wine …. Lots of wine!

I've lost a toenail but found a boyfriend

That’s right, I lost a toenail!  I bet you want to hear all about it .... No?  You don’t?  You want to hear about the boyfriend?

Oh, ok.

Yes, believe it or not I have a boyfriend.  A proper, live, male, boyfriend.

He’s alright.  Ok, he’s quite nice.  I don’t really know how to gush about a boy.

It’s only early days but he’s already made me cry so I guess I must like him.

Note to boys - breaking up with a girl as an April Fools joke isn’t funny, it’s NOT funny.

Anyway.

Before I met Mr. A, I met some interesting men.

Where do I begin?

First there was Matt.  He was very funny, which of course I really like.  But when he said on our first (and only) date that he didn’t want to get married but just ‘knock a bitch up’ I kind of started to have second thoughts.  

Then there was Justin (I think that was his name), He spent the whole night talking about conspiracy theories and the similarities between his life and Jesus life.  He kept saying that he didn’t get many second dates, I can’t imagine why??!!

But when he told me about how all the lava in his lava lamp formed into a man giving the hitler salute - that was when I really wanted to run out the door.

Finally there was Chris.  He asked me how many babies I wanted to have.  On the first date!  It was just way too intense for me, I felt like he was just looking for a baby incubator.  And he also kept hugging me which just weirded me out.

Sprinkled in between these guys there were numerous email conversations with lots of other men and I had a lot of interesting propositions which I very delicately declined.

And then there was Mr. A.  

A guy I never thought I’d go on a date with.  I did it as more of a ‘what the hell’ moment, which I’ve found you have to do a lot of when you’re online dating.

The thing I’ve realised is that dating can be a lot of work but once you’re in a relationship it brings a whole bunch of other issues like trust and vulnerability.  Being vulnerable makes me feel a little bit sick but I’m doing ok at it.  I have to stop myself from thinking that it’s all going to end any moment now, that one day he’s going to wake up and realise that I’m actually very boring or that he’s really not as into me as he thinks he is.  But I guess I could feel the same way.

So now can I tell you about the toenail?  No?  You still don’t want the gory details? 

Sheesh!  Alright.

Til next time ... Which I hope is soon.