Love Sucks

You know in the movies when the girl tells the boy that she loves him, there’s a big music crescendo and the lights go dim and the screen gets a little fuzzy.  And of course the boy says it back to the girl.

Actually, in the movies I’m sure the boy says it first.

Well, my story is nothing like that.

My story? ... Oh, MY STORY is a little different.

I’ve never been in love and up until recently had never loved someone. 

Of course I love my friends and family.  

But a man?  Never.  

The relationship I’ve had with this man has never been simple.  It’s actually not even a proper relationship.  He calls it a friendship and whenever he says that it makes me cringe and I feel like screaming into a pillow.

Anyway, I told him that I loved him.  And it wasn’t romantic and it wasn’t lovely and there wasn’t any music in the background, it was just horrifically embarrassing and I cried.

But it’s ok, he didn’t see the crying because it was all done by text.

Yuck right?  Who tells the first person she loves in a text message?

Me.  

That’s who.

I knew that he didn’t love me.  But it was something I had carried around with me for months and my closest girlfriends all knew and I felt like I had to get it off my chest.  And although it’s nice not to have this secret anymore it doesn’t make the outcome any better.

He told me my sadness and despair of loving someone who doesn’t love me is good.  Because at least I’m feeling something.

I would actually like to argue that fact but I fear there would be lots of yelling and profanity.

And APPARENTLY, as he so kindly pointed out, we can’t always get what we want.  If Ross and Rachel never got married and Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker never got to have sex (despite the fact they were siblings) then why should I get what I want?

... Are you confused?  Because when he told me that, I was.

Ross and Rachel DID get married.  They got married on a drunken night in Las Vegas and if anyone was a true fan of the show they would know that the series ended with them being together.

And of course Princess Leia and Luke were never going to be together.  Why would she want Luke when she could have Han Solo?  Mmmm a man with a Wookiee, now THAT’S my kind of man!

In the past month I’ve cried enough tears to give Niagara Falls a run for its money.

My flatmate is buying stocks in Kleenex and I’m pretty sure the neighbours are sick of hearing my yelling.  Although admittedly my rants have turned quite humorous and I perform them in the kitchen for my flatmate while she giggles ferociously.

The truth is that love sucks.  But sometimes people get lucky and they find someone who will return their text and tell them that they love them too. 

I guess I’m left trying to figure out why.  Why I’m always the friend and never the girlfriend.  Why I really felt like God had brought someone special into my life and told me to love him.  And why someone would want Princess Leia and Luke to have sex, because that’s just dirty.

I suspect all these questions will go unanswered.